You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow, they'll be a little older than they were today. This day is a gift. Breathe and notice. Smell and touch them; study their faces and little feet and pay attention. RELISH THE CHARMS of THE PRESENT. Enjoy today, mama. It will be over before you know it. - Jen Hatmaker
|The most memorable people in your life will be the ones who loved you when you weren't very lovable.|
Trips back home to Washington State wouldn't be the same without my sister, Tara. Don't get me wrong, I love all my siblings equally. This girl and I were raised under the same roof. We've seen each other happy and then cry. We've seen each other hurt. She makes me laugh until I pee my pants (sorry if that is too much information). Ha! I've rocked both her babies in my arms and make sure to kiss her on the cheek every time we say our "see ya later's". Part of me thinks I was her Mother in some past life or something. I can be overly protective in my sisterly ways. She may be my baby sister forever but she is not a little girl anymore. Still learning the boundaries.
Our influence on each other has differed each year we get older. Too many moments missed being angry or upset at each other. We can never get those moments back but the good thing is we can make better memories from here on out. Although being close in proximity has it's advantages - we don't have have to actually BE there for each other, to BE there. We will always be Sister's. No one can take that away from us. Which is why I consider myself so blessed to be a Big Sister. There is no written Master Copy on "How to be the Best Sister". Damn. Everyday I clench my hands together and say a prayer for her, Lainie and Ryker. They are part of my heart and a link in my soul. If I knew exactly the words to use -ensuring everlasting peace, love, happiness and security in their life I would make that happen. So instead, I throw my worries up to the sky in a whisper with all their name's ringing in the wind. Hope & Faith are on my side. Take THAT evil world that tries to destroy beautiful souls.
All of this rambling leads me to a letter I wrote her...
Happy Birthday 23rd Birthday, Tara Nicole!
That hug you gave me last October -before I climbed into my suburban drenched in tears, was amazing. The hug you gave me earlier this week when we said "see ya later" was also amazing. I think your hugs heal my broken heart. Do you understand the distance I would go to ensure your safety? When I think about what it means to be your big sister I become speechless. Is this good? No seriously, my heart feels one way and then my brain says nothing. My mind becomes froze. Then I ask myself many questions -- How has my influence affected you in your life? Has my less than perfect choices in life tricked you into making mistakes? Role Model I never intended to be --but I swear you told me I was just that to you at one point. The guilt of being not so present (physically) as your big sister could consume me if I let it. I demand a redo! There would be lots of things I say and do different if I could go back to those earlier years and fix myself. Since we first became bonded into sisterhood, I recall a sense of responsibility creeping into my bones, weighing on my heart. I've always admired your incredible strength, pride and astonishing beauty. Those are a deadly combo! No wonder why many have found themselves out of control, under a spell -- entranced in your charm. Acting in ways unforgettable. I evaluate everyone who presents themselves into your life. A terrible habit. No one like's to be judged. I know that. But, we all want to be loved and that is what I feel my overprotectiveness is masking.
There is this overwhelming essence about you that burdens me to our childhood when I was different than I am now. Old big sister was a grouch. Ok, that part never changed... stay with me...haha!
Your worth in my life exceeds any measure imaginable. Sharing February as a Birthday Month is the greatest blessing to me. Maybe I never told you that before? Time spent with you, Lainie & Ryker, pleases every inch of my soul. Instant peace is washed over me at the sight of your face. For as long as I am living and breathing I promise to love you.
I found the poem below on of course, Pinterest. It reminded me of all the season's we shared and took for granted. When I look into both our Daughter's eyes, I see us. Little women we once were. Looking up to their Momma's in every way. Just like us. And that makes me happy.
|Sister's are different flower's from the same garden.|
Be ~You ~ tiful.
You have the key to my heart.
You make my heart smile.
Always wear your invisible crown.
It'll be okay.
Angels are disguised as Daughters
|Love is not about how much you say "I love you" but how much you prove that it is true.|
|Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. - Les Miserables|
I love you, my darling baby sister.
**Special Thanks to my friend, Alysha (Leeshy Lou Photography) for capturing beautiful moments through her lens. **