I worried when we flew back to extend our quick "see ya laters" to some California friends that letting go would be heart-wrenching. Not only on me but especially Teilani. Jeyes is still young and just goes with the flow, never questioning how long the good byes will last. Personally, I loathe these moments. My ways of dealing with separation can be odd. I'd rather pretend that it isn't happening and then continue to stay in touch via mobile/text/ and social media outlets as if I'm still next door. I promised myself I wouldn't cry in front of the kids as we pulled away. Yes, it can be healthy to do so but I didn't want them to remember leaving as a sad event.
Although it has only been a week, Teilani says she misses California and her friends. I shrug it off instantly and tell her we are very lucky to be in Hawaii and she will have new friends soon. Changing the topic before she can elaborate on her emotions. When? she asks. I know in my heart that it will take time to build new relationships and that for me, is the hardest part. With all the travel back and fourth to the mainland this summer she has been very eager to start school again. As of now, I have her on a waiting list. Fingers crossed she makes it in by September/October. Establishing this old-new routine will be the most help for me, allowing more one on one time with Jeyes while providing her opportunities to grow in a social setting. Gaining confidence and independence without me lurking in the shadows are what I want so badly for my babes.
... We were at the beach when Teilani reached out to a kid-stranger and asked if they wanted to be her best friend. My heart swell with pride as I eavesdropped into their conversation. Low and behold that kid looked her dead in the eye and said, no. Like, really? Why wouldn't you want to be her friend? OK, I'm a tiny bias I know. Talk about deflating from the inside-out. I could see her heart break as she ran to me tears rolling down her cheeks asking why? I paused for a moment deflating my own anger and softly explaining that not everyone wants to make new friends. That sucked. I wasn't prepared for this. As most issues in parenthood I am left planning my next comeback. Has this ever happened to you as a parent? What did you tell your kid? I could have strangled that little brat for denying my sweet girl friendship. I ask you, dear reader... please share with me your plan of attack on how to keep cool and what you say to your heart broken child when they taste the harshness in this world.
Until next time...
Aloha,
Tasia
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ReplyDeletePoor baby! As a parent, you want to give your kids the world, so it's tough when they're rejected by other children. I struggle with this just about everytime we go to the playground. My son is super friendly, so much so that it worries me sometimes. He thinks everyone he meets is his family and he will gives hugs as soon as he meets someone, whether they like it or not. I don't like to discourage him because love for your neighbor is a key quality to possess, especially growing up in Hawaii. I'm not sure how much advise I can offer on how I keep cool, because on more than one occasion I've POLITELY scolded someone else's kid for being ugly to my son. Once, I even made a little girl appoligize to my little guy for pushing him. LOL! Don't get me wrong, if my son is acting up or being mean and I'm not around I'd honeslty be ok with somone else scolding him. It takes a village, right?
ReplyDeleteI think what you said to her was spot on. The truth is our world can be an ugly place and our children's innocence sometimes gets caught in the crossfire. We really have no control over how anyone else in this world behaves. But, we do have control over how we teach our little ones to react and feel after such an incounter. I just remind my son to continue to be kind-hearted, sweet, and true to himself regardless of the outside world. Afterall, that is how God made him. I know how bad it hurts him, but the in a way its a life leason that I'm glad he learns. I'd hate for him to enter the adult world never knowing dissapointment. Can you imagine?
And the reality that we, as parents, need to become ok with is that this is going to happen to them plenty of times...so save those comebacks! Nah, but seriously, as they learn to deal with these sorts of things, we'll learn better ways to show them how. Good Luck!
Thank you so much! I enjoyed reading your comment and appreciate all of those kind words and advice. Are you an oahu mom? Making friends on the island can be brutal but I'm not giving up hope.
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